I was born.... After birth, I was immediately taken from my mother...no body contact, no love, no warmth, no acceptance, no oxytocin. Cold and strangers.
At six months old, they put me in a nursery. No love, no acceptance. Cold and strangers. I was punished when I peed on myself at the age of 6 months. A nurse pulled me out of the group of children and put me in a corner with my pants wet. She mocked me and I felt a huge amount of anger, hatred, defiance and shame. It was a shock! I know this, but until now I didn't know where these feelings came from. And also my exaggerated reactions when someone triggered my trauma...
This topic keeps coming back to me in many therapies. The little head doesn't remember this but the body does and shows in all possible ways. There is so much in every cell, muscle, fascia, nervous system that turns me off at the slightest sign of threat. I feel alone, rejected, unloved, unwanted, with zero self-worth.
One would think "such nonsense". But look how can it destroy a child's life when it feels unprotected. How the ego's defense mechanism creates a system just to ensure the child survives.
And how did therapy help me? Through the layers of anger, hatred, shame, rejection and self-loathing, the midwife and the nurse in the nursery appeared. These people manipulated me like a piece of meat. The main thing is not to bother them, I follow the rules and there is no work with me. My parents gave me up. They voluntarily handed me over to their hands. I feel lonely, vulnerable. I feel unloved. My parents just stood there and shrugged their shoulders. I saw how indifferent they were to me. It seemed strange and unbelievable to me. Because normally in processes I communicate with the souls of those involved in order to feel their truth and essence - the ego does not speak from that place. I was unable to move this image, to change it to the next step, where I would tell my parents what they had done to me. I reached out to my guide. I ask him for help or advice when I feel lost in the process, because it's too much for me, or I'm afraid. He always helps me. I trust him. He is a kind and just sage. I asked him for advice...he took his stick and pulled down a kind of curtain on which my ego projected a movie that I had believed in for 48 years. The movie was about a little girl who was betrayed by everyone. She has to help herself in life. Only she is safe, anyone who comes close is a potential danger. Above all, don't trust anyone, because if she believes, everyone will betray and abandon her anyway. And what was behind the curtain? Loving parents who were worried about me. I could hug them and tell them how vulnerable I was and how scared I was. I saw my mother, how unhappy and broken she was that she had to give me to a daycare at 6 months. How this trauma of hers culminated in alcoholism. I didn't know this at all. How could I remember this at 6 months old? But the body remembers absolutely everything and our ego is protecting us, so all these memories need to be pulled out and the emotions associated with them need to be released and accepted. There are so many traumatic memories that we don't remember and they crush us our whole lives and we don't know why the things that happen to us happen to us. Through this process, I discovered what the ego is, what causes us and how it puts filters on our eyes, ears and minds.
I am attaching a video by J. Bradshaw where you can take your wounded inner child by the hand and walk with him/her to unconditional love, acceptance, respect and protection....you can give him/her all of this now, because you can and you are an adult and will never allow anyone to hurt your little one again.