Fear. Huge fear of everything around. Fear of new people. Fear of changing jobs. Fear of speaking my mind. Fear of my feelings. Fear of myself. I've been hiding and running away all my life. From what? From something that's inside and it's scary, horrible, disgusting and huge. What was created by my reactions to various life situations. How I started to perceive the world around me and create my own reality. How I see myself - I'm small and I don't want to see it. Unfortunately, it's still a part of me, even though I pretend it doesn't exist.
After 3 years of therapy and seminars, where I healed my traumas and peeled away layer after layer of pain, to maybe meet myself one day. One night before going to bed, during a meditation, I met my biggest demon. I wanted to run away...again. He was terrible, huge, terrifying. Before I ran away, I turned to him and looked at him.  Suddenly, through my self-confidence, I saw something else. A friend and a protector. I approached him and started talking to him. He bent down, he is about 5 meters tall, and caressed me. At that moment, I burst into tears. I met my lost dearest friend. A childhood friend. It was a beautiful and touching meeting. We played together, he carried me on his shoulders and I felt happy and complete. I accepted my dark side, my past. I tune in to him every day. He is a part of me and I feel safe with him. I feel at home.

This story evoked in me a kind of idea of ​​​​the constant division and perception of external parameters.  A beautiful face, a burnt halo. As it is sung in one song. In our setting, it is usually like this, an ugly creature is automatically evil and on the contrary, a beautiful person is equal to an angel. It is a very limited perception that I had.
I turn inward very often now. I turn my attention inward. It calms me. Inside is the only place where my attention should be directed. There is the here and now. There I have everything I need.

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